Military Order of the
Cootie of the United States
Aggravation Ritual or
Ritual of the Third Degree
S.S., *: We are about to enjoy the Supreme Pleasure of the day,
the conferring of the HONOR DEGREE of Cootie upon such unsuspecting Graybacks,
who attend this scratch.
Note: No regalia is displayed as all room available
is needed for the movement of the Degree Team.
All Graybacks who have not
received the Supreme Ointment of Happiness will now retire to the outer seams of
this Pup Tent. Shirt Reader, you will obtain from the Hungry Nit the names of
the Graybacks who are qualified to receive the COOTIE Degree and retire with the
Graybacks and
Note: The Provost Marshal is to remain in the room
to help preserve order.
S.S., when ready: All true Graybacks will now display the sign of
Aggravation, line up in column of fours facing the B.B. station and when called
on, prove by sign and password, your right to roam the seams of this Pup Tent as
a Cootie. B.B. and
H.G. take up password.
S.S., when ready: First four, show me.
Note: Small fine for those who do not properly
execute the sign or fail to give the password properly.
S.S., when through: Being satisfied that all are lousy and crummy, we will
now proceed with the application of the Supreme Ointment of Happiness.
S.S.:
Provost Marshal, you will notify the Shirt Reader to conduct the Graybacks, by
way of the Hide Gimlet’s station, to my station for the Cootie Cuss.
P.M.:
Shirt Reader, by order of the Seam Squirrel, you are to conduct the Graybacks to
his station for the solemn Cootie Cuss.
Note: The Graybacks are to walk past the Sky
Pilot’s station and S.S. station to the Hide Gimlet and are halted.
All to remain quiet on the sidelines.
S.R.:
Grayback, forward march. Knocks
on door.
J.L.:
Who knocks there?
S.R.:
Shirt Reader with Graybacks.
J.L.:
That is lousy, proceed.
Shirt Reader marches Graybacks to Hide Gimlet and
halts, keeps still.
H.G.:
Graybacks, you are nearing your journey’s end.
Shirt Reader walks Graybacks to B.B. station, halts
and remains quiet.
B.B.:
Graybacks, you have traveled another milestone, before you there lie Fertile
Hunting Grounds, do not despair, industry and perseverance has brought you
closer to your goal, proceed cautiously.
Shirt Reader walks Graybacks to Sky Pilot’s
station, halts and remains quiet.
S.P.:
Graybacks, you are another step closer to your goal. Oh, mighty Great Blue
Louse, grant that these defenseless vermin be spared for a lousy and useful
life, so that they may bring before us more of the Specie Peduculi. Proceed with
courage.
Shirt Reader walks Graybacks to S.S. station, halts
and remains quiet.
S.R. to Seam Squirrel: By your instructions I bring before you these Graybacks.
S.S.:
Shirt Reader, that is lousy, remain close by.
S.S.:
Graybacks, you are about to receive the Supreme Sulphur Ointment of Happiness.
Before proceeding further,
you are required to take a solemn Cootie Cuss, are you willing to abide by it?
You will raise your left
hand and repeat after me. Having made application for membership—in this
Crummy Fraternity—and believing myself to be—dizzy enough to feel at home
among these vermin—imbecile enough to be lonesome away from them—and
insignificant enough so that no one cares—if I am clean or crummy—I do
hereby truthfully—oathfully—absolutely—and outrageously—promise and
agree—to love and obey—any and all Species Peduculi—who may
hereafter—from any cause whatsoever—attach themselves to me—or my
possessions—I will not use—nor allow others to use—more than two
hands—at any time—for the purpose of annoying—irritating—or turning
over—said affectionate Peduculi.
I furthermore promise—by
the fangs and claws—of the Great Blue Louse—that I will set up a wail—unto
high heaven—should I find any person—using hammers—hatchets—ice
longs—crowbars—can openers—marlin spikes—fish hooks—TNT or gas—upon
the inhabitants of any Shirt Seam—unless the person using such toys—shall
have been a member—of the Armed Forces of the United States—and of a lower
rank—than a General.
And I furthermore
promise—agree and bind myself—not to
divulge—divest—repeat—shout—spout or sing—nor allow to
leak—evaporate or spill—any of the signs—
passwords—grips—creeps—shimmies—shakes or wiggles—of this Order—nor
will I allow anyone—not a member of the Military Order of the Cootie—to
partake of the Sulphur Ointment of Happiness—except in
And I do solemnly—and
sincerely promise—to extend the hand of fellowship—to any and all
comrades—whom I may meet—and I will if possible-aid and assist—any such
comrade—who may be in need of aid—and I shall regard it—as a
privilege—rather than a duty—to be able to aid—Comrades less fortunate
than I.
And may the seams of my
shirt—be as barren—as the inside of a Shavetail’s head—and may the
Sulphur Ointment of Happiness—which I am about to receive—shrivel up and
disappear—like a month’s pay in a crap game—and may the maledictions—of
the Great Blue Louse—descend upon me and cover me—as did the 62nd Article of
War—cover the soldier—from the cradle to the grave—should I ever
violate—shatter—bend—or break—this the solemn Cuss—of the Cootie.
Hands down.
S.R. to S.S.: The Graybacks are ready to receive the unwritten work of
this Order.
S.S. to S.H.: That is lousy, you and your assistant may now resume
your station.
S.S. to P.M.: You will instruct these would-be Cooties in the secret
signs of this, the Third Degree.
Secret Signs
(1) Sign of
Incubation—One pant leg rolled up.
(2) Nit Sign—Stand
erect, scratch groin with both hands.
(3) Nit password—S.O.L.
(4) Nit at play—Lay on
floor, on face, hands over head, one leg erect.
(5) Sign of
transformation—Both pant legs rolled up.
(6) Grayback sign —
Stand erect, both hands scratching breasts.
(7) Grayback
password—A.W.O.L.
(8) Grayback at play—Lay
on floor, on face, hands over head, both legs erect.
(9) Sign of
aggravation—Both pant legs rolled up, halfway to knees
(10) Cootie sign—Body
erect, head bowed, both hands scratching in the hair of your head.
(11) Cootie
password—Given out semi-annually by the Supreme Commander.
(12) Cootie at
play—Right arm up the back as far as possible, left arm down the back as far
as possible, scratch vigorously with both hands
Distress Signal—the
words “Give me a dollar’s worth of blue ointment.”
Cootie Salute—Right
forearm extended horizontally, the fingers scratching at the chin.
When through:
P.M. to S.S.: I am happy to present to you these newly obligated
Cooties.
S.S.:
That is lousy, you may resume your station.
The new Cooties are given a good cheer.
Secret Work of the
Military Order of the Cootie
S.S.:
The Military Order of the Cootie is one of the most mysterious organizations
ever produced and has many secret signs that mean much to its members but pass
entirely unnoticed by the average person. The common salute of Cooties in public
may be given in many ways by scratching various parts of the body, but the
Cootie Salute as given in the Scratch is given in this manner: The right forearm
extended horizontal and the finger tips scratching at the chin. In case you are
in doubt as to whether a man is a Cootie or not, walk up to him and do this
Crack the fingernails of the thumb and the second finger of the right hand in
the hair of his head, and if he does not knock you down, he is a Cootie.
The signal of distress is
given by word of the mouth only and when you hear it given you may know instant
relief is needed. The words are: “Give me a dollar’s worth of blue
ointment,” and when you hear them spoken you must extend your sympathy. The
permanent password of the Cootie is a word with which you are all familiar and
was chosen because it is impossible for you to forget it. Suppose you start to
attend a Scratch and upon arriving at the door you cannot remember the password;
what is the first thing that enters your mind? You say to yourself, “I’m
There is one sign that is
used only at the opening of the Scratch and is a most important one to remember,
because should you attend a strange Pup Tent and not be able to give it you
would be promptly thrown out on your ear. At the opening of the Scratch all
present are formed in a line in the center of the room, facing the rear, in
column of twos and at the command “SHOW ME,” given by the Seam Squirrel the
rear two face about scratching the groin vigorously with both hands. You will
then approach the Hide Gimlet or Blanket Bum and communicate the password to him
after which you will be seated.
Note: For Seam Squirrel. The groin: Where the
thighs loin the abdomen—the lowest part of the abdominal wall, near its
junction with the thigh—not the reproductive organs.
Cooties writing to another
Cootie begin with “Listen Cootie” and sign off “Yours in L.O.T C S.,”
meaning “Love of the Crummy Shirt.”
You will now form the
opening of the Scratch and show that you are able to give the sign of the Nit.
B.B. and H.G. take their stations at the rear of
the column.
S.S.:
SHOW ME!
The password will be
changed annually and published in program manual in code to be deciphered from
the code of the M.O.C.
Caution is urged to compel
every man to show his receipt card in the Pup Tent and in the Veterans of
Foreign Wars before giving him the password and none without a paid-up receipt
card shall be admitted to any meeting.
You will be required to
show a paid-up dues card in the V.F.W. before the Quartermaster can receive your
dues in this Pup Tent or the M.O.C.